Universally Disappointing

Universal Restaurant has been on my list for a while, having heard about and salivating over the famed “gaytime goes nuts” dessert. And I was excited when, as a belated birthday gift, invited to Universal Restaurant in Darlinghurst. However, the title of this review reflects my experience.

 Located in Darlinghurst, my first impressions upon entering were disappointing on a very humid Sydney evening. First, the restaurant had glaring bright orange lighting as part of its décor that would not be out of place in night time Bangkok or Amsterdam.  But this was OK, I am here for the food. Upon entering, I was told (note, not asked) for the staff to take my bag into a storage room. To me, this was quite inconvenient in that I had my wallet, keys, iPad etc. in my bag. And I did not get a choice in the matter. But that was OK, perhaps it was a new staff member, and I was here for the food.

The menu is entitled “Tastes”. The waiter explained that in order to be the equivalent of an entrée, main and dessert, each person should order 3 dishes + dessert. An interesting concept. Given that the dishes were all part of a “tastes” menu, I worked on the assumption that the dishes would be good for sharing.  The menu (example here), had an interesting variety of dishes sorted from the lightest dishes to the heaviest dishes – ceviche at the start, pork belly towards the end. Note that all dishes are the same size (which I will get onto later).

I ordered a variety of dishes – including a prawn ceviche, roast duck, spiced lamb and for dessert, the famed gaytime goes nuts. I did not drink wine, but despite saying this to the waiter that I was not drinking wine, he kept going on about description of the wines – I tuned out, my iPhone was handy for this situation. Menus were taken, sans drinks menu (I think the waiter was deaf, or illiterate, or both) and we waited….and waited….and waiter….for the first dishes to come out. I noticed other tables got sourdough bread that looked fairly stock standard…….but I never received this. Negative marks already – if I am paying a premium price for a premium experience, I do not expect Jetstar levels of service inconsistency.

After around 30 minutes, the first dish came out. To say the size was on the small size would be an understatement, but I remembered that the first dish – a prawn and coconut ceviche with palm sugar popcorn was from the lighter end on the menu, so I was not too critical yet.

 The dish was disappointing. First, the ceviche lacked any sort of punchy flavour that is the hallmark of a ceviche dish. Second, the popcorn had a chewy texture – kind of like the popcorn bits at the bottom of a box of popcorn after a movie marathon. I could not taste the palm sugar flavour. I was done with this dish after around three bites – but still managed to finish everything on the plate….

For the second course I waited….and waited….another 40 minutes. My stomach grumbling added to the fluorescent lighting ambience on a humid Sydney evening. In this time, I was still yet to receive any sourdough bread. But the thought of Szechuan duck with grilled sea scallops (note: plural) and smoked eggplant puree excited me.

I see a scallop. I see one scallop. I do not see more than one scallop. I dig under the rest of the dish to find more than one scallop. Nope, can only see one scallop. Why say scallops on the menu, if you are not going to serve the plural? This also made sharing awkward, I have never shared a singular scallop in my life. I have never seen two or more people go to a fish market or restaurant to order one than one scallop to share. Thankfully, there were two pieces of Szechuan duck, that conveniently fitted on the spoon so I would not have to endure cutting it with a knife.

Once again, the flavours left me disappointed. First, whilst the duck was crispy, I am sure my friends would be insulted that the travesty of flavours would be associated with Sichuan cuisine. The singular scallop was well cooked, but it was a singular scallop and I have had better elsewhere. The smoked eggplant puree did not work, and I have had better from a late night kebab shop. At this stage, I was longing for one of the week-old sandwiches Qantas serves on its Sydney-Melbourne flight for lunch. This dish was confusion, not fusion.

I am still hungry. My tastebuds are still disappointed. I am still waiting for my bread. And my iPad is in my bag so I cannot distract myself from this sub standard experience. But I knew the heavier dish was coming up – Grilled lamb rump (classy cut of meat – not!) with a spiced indian pilaf. Something I can cook at home, but if the dish is unique, it could be something that is universally acclaimed.

What can I say – three strikes of universal disappointment. Yes, the lamb was tender but it was finished in a couple of mouthfuls. The spiced pilaf was pretty stock standard. The onion rings were just odd, and lacked the crispiness of the ones you can get at Rockpool for example. I breathed deeply and sighed – but then realised I was still hungry, so I tried not to breathe too heavily as it would just remind myself of my hunger.

But at least it was dessert time. By this stage, I gave up any hope of receiving any sourdough bread. Unless it is served to accompany the gaytime goes nuts dessert. Which for those of you interested entails the following menu description – honeycomb ice cream, caramel parfait, chocolate crunch, salted hazelnut caramel. The waiter on presenting the dessert menu exclaims (too excitedly) that this is a new menu and there are new desserts also – what this menu also meant is a 21% increase in the website price for the gaytime goes buts dessert from $19 to $23. Another sigh. Stomach hurts. Still hungry. Need dessert.

Around 30 minutes later, the famed dessert came out. I admit, it looks beautiful. The flavour was good, but there was nothing spectacular about it especially compared to the price point of the dessert. But I finished it, not because the flavour was outstanding, but I was hungry. 

 

 

And then I licked the plate, and then ate the plate and the fork, and the table cloth. The table cloth had the same texture of the palm sugar popcorn.

I heard that Universal is closing down on April 27. It will not be missed, as it was a travesty and insult of an experience that could only be described as universally disappointing. The dishes were expensive, lacking in flavour and small in quantity. The service was inconsistent and disappointing. The ambience was confusing and not pleasant.

Overall Universal gets 2/10 mainly for the fact the dessert had some appealing flavours. I will not be returning, and will advise anyone else from going. I am looking forward to Universal being disposed to the garbage bins of culinary history on April 27.